This was overheard in leafy Highgate a few days ago:
Kenny, stop nagging. I’m not prevaricating. I’ve told you – I’ll be more than happy to marry you as soon as I’m not famous anymore.
But George, you have touring plans into 2008/9, as well as a new album at the end of this year.
Yes I do.
And then, you have that secret Wham! reunion tour and album planned for 2010.
Yes. That’s right. And very profitable it will be too.
And then there’s your 30 Live Tour you want to do in 2011/12
Yes, that is the plan.
So, we can get married in 2013?
Well, 13 is an unlucky number. And I might still have more music I need to make. Plus, I really love touring. It’s my favourite thing ever. I love it sooooooooooo much!
Well, 2014 then?
Well, I would… but the thing is, I’ll need to do a Farewell Tour first. I owe that to my fans. I’d want to tour the whole world for that of course. Not just Europe. That will probably take all of 2016 and 2017 I’d guess.
OK, so we can get married in 2018?
Well, we’d have to wait a few years after that, until I’m not famous. I think 2020 sounds like a good date to plan for…
No. Wait. I haven’t factored in the fact that I’ve always wanted to play Vegas. A five-year residency at an intimate club somewhere. Look, stop pressuring me Kenny. You know I wouldn’t enjoy signing some legal papers that give you access to my money when I’m famous. Let’s just say – the minute the name George Michael has been forgotten, we can sign the paperwork. OK? Let’s say 2030 or 2040. It’s not long to wait – just a few years really.
Great. You’ll be dead by then.
So will you. You’re much older than me, don’t forget. To be honest, I’m a bit surprised you can still make it up the stairs.
Well, I’ve been meaning to talk to you about that. It is getting a bit difficult. We really should consider moving you know.
No. My legs are fine. I love it in this house. We’ll move the minute I can’t make it up the stairs anymore… OK? And just to be clear, I mean – the minute I can’t make it up the stairs anymore, not even in my private Stannah Stairlift that you’re not having the key for.
I see. So, 2040 then? Is that a firm date?
Look, we’ll have to cut this short I’m afraid – I want to give my new best friend Mutya a call. She’s like the new Geri… so you can have her in a couple of years when I’m done with her. Don’t say I never give you anything…