George Michael performed to three hundred lucky guests at unnamed Russian billionaire, Vladimir Potanin‘s New Year’s Eve party. George pocketted $3M, while his band and backing singers each received a bottle of Sainsbury’s “Taste The Similarity” Champagne and a bag of cashew nuts delicately flavoured with salt, lemon and coriander (coriander = cilantro – for our US readers).
George spokeswoman said,
Darlink, George looked absolutely gorrrrrgeous. He loves nuts, but generously let his band eat them all. He performed an amazing one hour set at the party, including all his biggest Russian hits. After wishing the party-goers – С Новым Годом – he jumped on his private jet and flew home. He arrived back at his house in London at 6am London time, where he tucked into a bowl of left-overs from his own New Year’s Eve party that he unfortunately couldn’t attend. While eating, George enjoyed the 38 episodes of EastEnders that had been on while he was away.
When asked if George enjoyed the trip, his spokewoman said that he was buzzing so much after the show it was almost as though he was radioactive. George Michael could not be reached for comment on the Russian show.
When I rang the intercom on his front door earlier this evening, to get the man himself’s opinion, George said,
Sorry Rem, I can’t talk right now, I’m doing the washing, and I’m too upset about the police interrupting Pauline’s funeral to talk. They can’t do that. She’s a Fowler. They need to show a bit of respect. If she’d have been a Watts or a Beale, or even a Mitchell, maybe it would have been OK. But not a Fowler. I think the police have a lot to answer for. They should try spending some time catching real fucking criminals, rather than going after innocent singers errr… I mean, people. But please tell everyone – I think Sarah Brightman will win Just The Two Of Us.
Well… anything for you matey, so – let it be known: Sarah Brightman and Mark Butcher are George’s tip to win Just The Two Of Us! I actually think Tito Jackson might win – even though he’s one of the judges. We’ll see…