Exclusive Interview With George Michael – After Idol

One thing’s for sure.  George Michael’s performance on the season finale of American Idol a couple of nights ago has certainly got people talking.   Many thought George’s performance was the best of the night. Some, however, weren’t so impressed.

Of course, you can’t please all of the people all of the time; but amongst all the talk, it’s become clear in the last days that there are some questions that lots of people would like to have cleared up.  So, George Michael invited Remarkable over to his house for a cup of tea and a chat.  It was a unusual type of interview.   We agreed to cut the crap, and for neither of us to take any prisoners. It’s time for George Michael and Remarkable to shoot from the hip…

Remarkable:  So… here we are!

George:  Yes! Wicked! I’ve been looking forward to this! I’m going to have “The Time Of My Life” in this interview, I think.

Remarkable:  Ha… ha… ha. Please, can we minimize the fucking American Idol references. Just the thought of that show makes me feel frail and ill. Almost as though this could be my last ever interview before suddenly dropping down dead.  So, George… are you sitting comfortably?

George: I am! This is my favourite sofa. At least, it’s my favourite current sofa.  It’s not as good as my old sofas where I had the glass trays built into the arms.  I so wish I hadn’t given them away.  Still, I can’t very well ask for them back now, it would look a bit desperate… and I certainly don’t want to appear that!  Besides, God only knows who’s been sitting on those sofas since they left the house; probably some real Freeeks!  Anyway.  Yes.  I am sitting very comfortably.

Remarkable: Good. Then we’ll begin…

George: Shoot!

Remarkable:  George, you were obviously a little bit ill the other night on that US TV show you sang on.  What’s it called again – “America’s Got X-Factor Idol Talent”…  I think it’s the one where George Foreman and some British bloke called Peter are looking for new, great-tasting, healthy inventors?  Anyway, the thing is, looking at the web searches people are doing after the show, lots of people thought you were really ill.  In fact, a popular search in the last couple of days has been: “Does George Michaels have HIV”?

George: (laughing) Great!  Why can’t these fucking people at least learn to spell my name?

Remarkable: Well, I think it’s quite an achievement they worked out how to type something into Google at all. Expecting them to spell correctly might be a bit overly optimistic.

George: So, am I HIV positive?  Is that what you’re asking? (grins).

Remarkabe: Well, it’s not what I’m asking!  I already know the answer.  You don’t get as fat as you do sometimes by having HIV  You get that way from having a fridge with too much crap in it.  Still, the statistics on the web searches don’t lie. This is what a variety of… well… for the sake of this discussion, let’s call them “people”… have been asking.

George:  Fuck, really? I must have looked bad!  Why didn’t anyone tell me?!  No, I’m not HIV positive.  I had a bloody cold and I’ve lost quite a bit of weight quite quickly. The truth is, I’ve been eating nothing but lettuce and tomato for the past six weeks. I’m trying to get in shape for my tour.  I piled on the pounds after the European tour finished – look at some of the photos for God’s sake – you’d eat lettuce if there were photos of you on the web like that! So, I really have to get the weight off before we start in the US, otherwise my back simply won’t hold out.  I tell you – when you just eat lettuce and tomato for weeks on end,  you do tend to be a bit vulnerable to catching colds.  And just to be clear, I do buy cucumbers too…  but not to eat! I refuse to sit inside all day every day sucking lemons, like I did in the eighties.  So, I caught a cold off my God daughter. I’m just glad I didn’t blow any snot bubbles during Praying For Time.

Remarkable: Thanks for clearing that up… and also for blowing your nose before you went on stage. So, you’re not feeling frail, and about to drop dead then?

George: No! I can still make it up the stairs quite well.   Kenny’s going to need a stair lift installed before I do.  His legs really aren’t what they used to be.

Remarkable:  You know, you could put Kenny’s bed in the basement, and let the housekeeper move upstairs.  That might be better for Kenny… although, I suppose, he might not ever make it out of the basement.  But I digress.  Let’s proceed to the  next question that’s on the minds of the great unwashed…

George: Don’t call them that, Rem!

Remarkable:  But… but… you called them a lot worse than that just a few minutes ago!  In fact…

George: Shhhhhhhhhh…!  Next question!

Remarkable:  So, before you walked on to stage.. all the Idol contestants were ushered off stage.  Some people have said that it looked like you didn’t want to share a stage with any of them, and that it was a condition of you going on that you wouldn’t sing with them… or talk to them… or be seen on camera with them.

George: Yes, I saw that article.

Remarkable: Well, then, is it true?

George: Look, Rem – do YOU want to sing with those people – especially that little one with the shitty voice?  Or talk to them?  Or be photographed with them?  Or have anything to do with them at all?

Remarkable: No, of course not. No-one in their right mind would want to do that.

George: Well, then! Neither do I!  Fucking hell, people really need to be a little bit reasonable!  It’s bad enough I had to be on the bloody show at all.  Fucking Nigel Lythgoe.  You know he bought my old house in LA off me?  Well, he found a stash of straight porn I left there, and threatened to tell Kenny about it if I didn’t go on the show.  Kenny goes ape shit if he thinks I show any interest at all in women. So, I was in a real dilemma.  But, whenever I find myself in this kind of situation, I  ask myself the question, “What Would Remarkable Do?”.  In fact, I wear this WWRD wrist band at all times, just to remind me…

Remarkable:  Well, thank you!  I am honoured.

George: No, thank you!

Remarkable: OK. Now, final question.  For one millions dollars… What… Is. .. The… deal with those fucking awful sun-glasses you were wearing?

George:  Why? What’s the matter with them? Don’t you like them?

Remarkable: Well, there was a clue in the phrase, “fucking awful”.  Just to be clear, though… No! I don’t fucking like them.  And neither does anyone else!

George: Rem, I didn’t know you cared!

Remarkable:  Just answer the blood question, George.  Honestly, you’re worse than me sometimes!

George: Thank you, I take that as a great compliment!  So… OK… about the sun-glasses.  Look, I wanted to wear my Eli Stone glasses, but fact of the matter is – ABC wouldn’t allow it.   My contract means I’m only allowed to look super-hip and cool on the ABC network.  So, on FOX, I have to wear the comedy glasses which make me look like I’m an old lady.  Mind you, my contract with ABC expires next week.  I’m going to sign up to be a regular in the second half of the next season of 24… but I can’t talk about that yet.  They’ve told me they have some seriously cool shades ready for me there.  Gonna make Bono look like total shit.  Mind you, he doesn’t need any help with that, does he?  The twat.

Remarkable: You’re right about that!  A weave. At his age. It’s pitiful.  Anyway, I think that just about clears everything up.   In summary: you’ve just got a cold, not HIV.   You wanted to sing by yourself on Idol, that’s not a fucking crime.  And, most importantly of all, you’ll soon be back to wearing super-cool shades.

George:  Correct! Thanks for asking me these questions.

Remarkable:  My pleasure.  Well, that about wraps it up, I think. Just one last question.  Whatever happened to that Jonas Brothers duet you told me was going to happen?

George:  I never said any such thing… as you very well know, you ***t!

So, there you have it.  Straight from the horse’s mouth.  George is fine…  And for those of you going to see one of his shows – don’t worry – you won’t be disappointed!

(NB For any people of restricted intelligence reading this interview…  It. Isn’t. Real.  George loves America Idol really, and all of the contestants, and the judges… and even Nasty Nigel.)

22 thoughts on “Exclusive Interview With George Michael – After Idol

  1. Is there really an article about him not wanting to be anywhere near the Idols? LOL!!!

  2. Yep… here:

    http://popwatch.ew.com/popwatch/2008/05/on-the-scene-si.html

    But there was something about the way that the show’s top 12, who’d been performing a Michael medley, were made to run off stage right as Michael was coming out, like commoners being hustled out of a backstage area by bodyguards right before a legend deigns to enter. It felt as if Michael were saying he was too good to even share visual space with any of these kids

    Quite right too!

  3. Indeed. Would George have had it any other way? I think his fans would have been disappointed if he had done a duet with David Archuleta. *I just threw up in my mouth a little.*

  4. It can’t be real… I too eat lots of lettuce , and don’t have a weak immune system, just skinny, but healthy!!! Lettuce is yummy:)

  5. Now you mention it, George did have that HIV look, he didnt look well.Maybe its time for blood test George?

  6. I see it all the time… people think that either you don’t eat… or you are ill , if you are too skinny!!!

  7. I think there is a reason for those Huge glasses.
    It could be that he is very very shy or having a bad cold gave him Frog eyes :)! No. i didn’t like them!

  8. Oh, OK. So, I have very odd taste when it comes to sunglasses, then, cos I thought they looked good. I think George wanted to choose a design that had a hint of the Faith sunglasses, hence the shape and size – but then again, I might be totally mistaken. I still think they looked nice on him.

    I’m also glad to see that The Man Himself has a thing for “Trick Answers”: well done Rem and George! I think the pair of you should treat yourselves to a pair of matching wristbands: WWOGTAAWAPOI (We Will Only Give Trick Answers And We Are Proud Of It ;-) )

    P.S. Who are you calling Real Freeek! – ?

  9. @MissFreek

    I don’t believe you really like those “granny” glasses. I think you’re just being nice to try and make up for refusing to apologise for all the trauma you caused “Team George” a while back…

  10. Remarkable, stop trying to sidetrack everyone, just answer the f*****g question!!! LMAO!

  11. So I just watched George’s performance in high-quality on TV. I thought the shades looked fine and actually quite classy on a high-quality picture; he didn’t look ill either – just looked in good shape. And, even the sound was pretty good. Did a great job of covering up the cold.

    The poor picture and sound on YouTube give a false impression I think… and I guess the same false impression might be seen if people watched on a bad TV.

    @MissFreeek – I think you’re right about George wanting to give hints back to the Faith era… shades, and also more trimmed beard etc.

    BTW – the real freeeks question well… I can provide only clues. These are as follows:

    o Backstage party in London after 25 Live show
    o Thumbs up from “Uncle George” but no-show at the party (poor dear was a bit tired… or had a cold… can’t remember which!)
    o One of George’s best female friends
    o George’s father
    o A tight pair of jeans
    o An ass with a VIP sticker on it

    I think those clues are more than enough to identify the phantom sofa sitter!

  12. I’m a huge GM fan but he comes across as such a dick in this article. To say someone has a shitty voice, geeesh. What a diva. we all know you have a great voice george but no one has ever said you had the best voice of all time. High pitch you’re good but cmon dude, you’re not multi faceted with the pitch bud. I’m embarrased to me a fan. And to be honest, I’m pretty sure he probably DOES have HIV but is fighting it off with the many drugs out there now. and I pray he lives a long properous life. And the big glasses? I’m sure it was to hide his crows feet. again, I’m a big fan of his but as an american, this makes him look like such a dick.

  13. don’t disrespt the country your boyfriend and true love comes from with your arrogant attitude George.
    I was going to possibly take my wife to see you at the Forum. No way now dude. Be very grateful you are still making music after 25-30 yrs dude.
    seriously, I am/was a huge GM fan but this interview paints you as such a diva. The glasses were very Charles Nelson Reilly (remember match game?) lol
    not good dude.

  14. Hey BILL B, dude: WHAT PART OF: (NB For any people of restricted intelligence reading this interview… It. Isn’t. Real. George loves America Idol really, and all of the contestants, and the judges… and even Nasty Nigel.) DON’T YOU UNDERSTAND?

  15. Bill B – it’s you that’s disrepecting the United States by revealing you’re too stupid to understand this piece. You are truly an insult to your country, and the countries where your wife and your true love are from.

    Let me try to make it simple for you:

    1. This interview was a parody. George Michael did not contribute to it.

    2. Disrespecting American Idol isn’t disrespecting the United States.

    3. Check it out, dude – the little guy that was in the final DOES have a shitty voice. America voted. He lost by more than twelve million votes.

    4. You’re “pretty sure he probably does have HIV?” and is on anti-HIV medication? Really? Despite the fact that there’s zero evidence to suggest that’s the case? Why on Earth would you think that? Perhaps you should consider re-evaluating ALL your opinions on ABSOLUTELY EVERYTHING! Notice how you completely missed the point that this piece was a parody, for example? I’m guessing you miss the point on most things. So here’s a tip for you… start from the position that everything you believe to be true is, in fact, false. I suspect you won’t go far wrong in life if you do that…

  16. @Re,> the best female friend of George is> Geraldine Halliwell. I must know it, cause i dreamt of it only two days ago. Oh, my heart and my soul…Biggrin

  17. Look Remarkable, if that was a parody, my bad. I did not see your text in parentheses. Are times that bad you can’t get the real live person to answer your questions? lol
    Back to George, I think he’s one of the most gifted singer/songwriters in the past 2 decades. He does tend to get a little “diva-ish” but hell, he’s sold millions of records so he has earned that right I guess. I’m still a big fan of his. I do however think it’s hogwash that he hasn’t been tested in the past few years. cmon people??? More than likely, with the promiscuity he has displayed in the past several years, maybe he got HIV and the ony way he can continue to go out and get some “strange” once in a while is to throw out this “haven’t been tested” comment…that way, guys will still be willing to get it on with him. Either way, I pray he is well. The big granny , charles nelson reilly glasses did not help. made him look more gaunt than he probably is. Both GM and your boy Simon Cowell have made comments how brits (especially the british press) are far more negative and unsupportive to someone’s success than Americans. Both gents have said this.

    The little guy with the shitty voice (david archuletta) is overrated as hell but he’ll still sell more records in the USA than your lovely brit singer Leona Lewis. Just watch. But she’s hot so it’s all good.

  18. XD The interview is great! I actually can imagine you and George havin that conversation!
    Anyway, I think GM really had enough of his fame, fans, sunglasses, tours, american “idols” or stuff like that. Honestly, if i were him, i would too. I mean, c’mon, the guy’s 46… What’s he supposed to do: jump up and down on stage or wright songs like on Faith album? Sure, my opinion is that his songs from 80’s were better (cause I prefer more cheerful themes), but he cannot be that boy you loved back then JUST because we want him to. Who are we to George actually? To be honest – just a couple of many many crazy fans. His appearance is not the same(thank God, voice is still PERFECT), but he does what he wants. It’s so much preassure for him: the think about being gay, drugs, his behavior etc., no wonder he just wants the whole world to just f*ck off.
    Little about the songs: I love them. Ballads are really deep,he feels what he writes (btw I appreciate when artist actually WRITES songs), but I like even more his 80’s pop-rock thing – Faith album. Each and every song’s a hit. And his voice live is great as in the studio. My live favs: Tonight, Don’t let the sun go down on me, Calling you, The first time ever I say your face…
    C ya! ;)

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